Some bored restauranteurs got together to discuss some ideas. They were tired with the same old restaurants, the nice service, the outfits, the predictable menus, etc. They wanted to do something different, but what? One guy thought of the idea of doing underwater dining, but that has already been done in some foreign country. Another thought of a simulated outer space experience, but that was too costly and complicated. Finally, after hours of brainstorming Ryan came up with the idea of a Thai restaurant where everyone was angry. The other guys were not sure if the idea would fly. It would go either way. People might like the idea because it was different, or they might be scared off. The main point was that the restaurant would be an experience that you would not forget.
So, they built a restaurant with a huge angry Buddha. This Buddha got so upset, that steam would come out of its ears when it got mad. Not only that, but the floor, windows, and porcelain would start to rattle every time the Buddha got mad. At first this was fun. But, little did they know that the idea would get out of hand.
The next hurdle was to find staff. Thai people are generally very congenial and nice. It is very rare that you meet an angry Thai person. Even if they are angry, they smile and pretend to be happy, as that is their culture. I only met an angry Thai person once. She was very rude. The other people are her work outcasted her and basically threw her out. It is socially not acceptable to be angry with Thais (or Indians) for that matter. You’ll get outcasted faster than you can say Rad Na if you are!
Finally, after lots of looking around, they found some actors and actresses who were good at acting angry, but no too angry. This was good, because they didn’t want to have situations that were out of control. They put together a menu, found a few good chefs, and they were open for business.
HOSTESS: “Sawat di kaaaaaa… Welcome to the Angry Thai, is there anything I can do to make your stay more angry?”
CUSTOMER: “Um, we heard you had a very good Thai style angry pork sandwich.”
HOSTESS: “Yaaaa, very angry-la. It has many chili peppers in it — make you very angry very fast. You like…”
CUSTOMER: “Sounds great. Can you recommend anything else?”
HOSTESS: “Try our salads, very spicy too. Not sate salad — too agreeable. Try spicy beef salad with lemongrass, lime and chilis. Guaranteed to make you mad after your first bite. Have a seat, your server will be with you.”
SERVER: “Welcome to the angry Thai, I’m Nelson, and I’m angry.”
CUSTOMER: “Nice to meet you Nelson.”
SERVER: “No, not nice. I am not nice — I am angry, and meeting me is not nice.”
CUSTOMER: “Got it. We are interested in the papaya salad.”
SERVER: “Okay, but not angry. To compensate, I can step on your toe.”
CUSTOMER: “Okay, just don’t step too hard. By the way, that is a very nice Buddha you have over there.”
SERVER: “You must never speak ill of the Buddha — he will get very very angry! And terrible things will happen…”
CUSTOMER: “I thought that the Buddha was enlightened and happy, and spread peace throughout the world.”
SERVER: “You’ve got the wrong Buddha lady. Our Buddha is not like that. He gets mad!”
CUSTOMER: “I don’t believe that.” (speaking to the Buddha) “Hey Buddha, what’s the secret to enlightenment?”
SERVER: “Oh no, you must not do that…”
HOSTESS: “How is everything? Is everybody angry yet?”
CUSTOMER: “No, I just asked the Buddha a question.”
HOSTESS: “Oh no, don’t do that. He get very angry. Don’t play game with our Buddha. He not like other Buddha.”
CUSTOMER: “I don’t believe that.” (speaking to the Buddha) “Hey Buddha, how come you meditate all the time, why don’t you get a girlfriend.”
GUY AT NEXT TABLE: “Seriously, you are pushing it. That Buddha has a reputation. The whole place will start shaking if you make him mad.
CUSTOMER: “That’s a bunch of BS. And besides. I can get exactly the same Buddha for less than half what you paid on Buddhas4less.com.”
Suddenly, the entire restaurant started shaking. The chinaware was clanging, the pots were banging, the floor was shaking, and steam was coming out from the Buddha’s ears.
HOSTESS: “Oh no, you made the Buddha mad. See what you did?”
CUSTOMER: “I thought that was the whole point of coming here — to have an angry experience…”
HOSTESS: “Yes, getting mad is okay, just don’t make the Buddha mad — when he get mad, he get very very angry. Terrible things will happen.”
The customers enjoyed their angry Thai food and went home feeling satisfied. They were even more satisfied that they upset the Buddha, and regarded making him mad as a mark of achievement. Several weeks later something much more serious happened. A family with children came to the restaurant. The children taunted the Buddha and kept poking him and asking him why he was so angry. The Buddha got so angry that the whole restaurant shook, but much more seriously than before. Instead of a light tremor, it was more like an 8.7. The paintings fell off the wall, the windows started to break, the walls started to cave in. Everyone rushed for the door and barely escaped with their lives. The Buddha got so angry that the entire neighborhood shook until no building was standing for two blocks. The entire area was reduced to rubble. When the clean up crew came, the only object that was still intact was the golden angry Buddha. Word on the street was that the angry Buddha was angry because it was inhabited by an angry spirit of a disgruntled monk from Burma whose community turned on him and kicked him out of the monastery.
But, the angry Buddha was different now. He usually had a scowl and sharply angled eyebrows. The Buddha’s physical appearance had changed. Now, he was content and relieved, and anyone who looked at him could tell. The Buddha was smiling. Perhaps a different spirit was inside of this golden Buddha now. A happy spirit. What an irony.
And that is the tale of the Angry Buddha at the Angry Thai Restaurant.
Have an angry rest of your day!